vriad_lee

you're right! it's easier to write in english for me since it gives a better pretext, and i need a pretext to write. i don't know if that's shyness or squeamishness or impatience, perhaps a mix of all these plus laziness. i didn't know you wrote prose, i thought you were talking about journalism when you referred to your writing. it would be very interesting to read your book, especially in english, since russian translations of what you post in your journal are slightly disappointing in comparison. all of your work i've seen so far - painting and writing - is more or less in naive style, and i really wonder what your novel would be like?
i understand very well what you say about a jig-saw puzzle, the inner work you do over years, never realizing you are doing it until all the pieces fall into place. i think the most striking examples of this are in childhood/adolescence, when your status/abilities/scope blow from tiny to gigantic over summer, just because you grow. yes, i also understand what you mean by 'channel' and 'gods' (for want of a better word!), although i try to avoid this subject, since if it's there, there's no reason to talk about it, and if it's not, it makes no sense. but i think anyone who's ever had an inspiration understands the concept of being unconnected from one's own art, as in artist being only a medium. i think that you present a good example of this concept, it's really difficult to believe that you'd never been painting before last summer. probably, you just reached a certain degree of freedom that makes you able to do that. it's so complex and so connected to 'karma', 'morality', 'fate', everything, that it's really impossible to force oneself (after you realize all that). if you don't do that, you are not ready.