i realized olny some years out of school what sort of animals they were - like, most of them. they weren't human by the 8th grade, but in first grade they were nothing more than monkeys, really - well, most of them, the best adjusted of them at the very least. that was what actually fucked up my brain at school, that attempt to romanticize them, and i actually successfully justified them - i was wrong, i didn't fit, i was missing something, i was the bad person. yes, you can explain anything with that: 'oh well must be i'm missing something'. it's totally fucken late to change anything at that deep level by know, because nothing that is there, at that level, makes any sense any longer, it's a thing you walk on, it doesn't change. yeah, for some things we owe a big thank-you to our parents. i mean, didn't they see? they had to see