(no subject)

[vriad_lee]

i remember now that feeling, of waiting for a letter or some other sort of response, from a girl. when you can't do anything, and the sweetness of the world has concentrated in that future response. i don't remember getting any meaningful reactions (and i fell in love constantly in childhood). and if i did get any, i would probably be disappointed, because i'm a moral perfectionist. no, i'm lying, i wouldn't be disappointed. but i don't remember any positive progress. for one thing, girls only look so frilly. they are as bad as any kids. and kids are just as bad as any people, and even worse as we know from william golding. but the worse thing was being a sick little pervert. i had such a funny mix of chivalry, perfectionism (aesthetic and moral), escapism and what else? it would be better to demonstrate with examples, but that would be too painful. trying to say bad things about oneself insinuating good things about oneself is someting i have been doing all these years. but as it is, you can't help trying to imply good things about yourself. because everyone is the center of their universe, and even if they are wrong, they are still right. they just don't know that they are wrong yet, and when they do, bingo, they're already right. some philosopher must have described this at great length, but i didn't read him. which leads me to another topic: how can i expect that people will read my posts (and that's what i expect), and how can they expect that i will read theirs, if i don't even read all the stuff great writers write, the writers that i really appreciate? like, paul graham is one of my favourite online writers, but i haven't read all his stuff. but now that i think about it, i do have my reasons. i'm too lazy. besides, i have things to do, like poke my nose and stare at my journal page. and that's only two examples off the top of my head




picture stolen from poemtree