vriad_lee

but i'm not talking about redefining myself socially. i don't want to be someone who returns to school and is no longer kicked, that's not a problem, i could compensate easily for that kicking if i wanted to (at least, so it seems). i'm not thinking of 'that' person, i'm thinking of the stuff that got embedded on a very deep level then, it happened to me then, but my 'now' has inherited it. i would be quite happy to be someone who was kicked at school, or even someone who was acting mean at school for that matter, i don't need to make peace with my past at this point - i want to see as clearly as possible what exactly happened with my picture of the world, how it warped exactly. the best way i can describe it is that there's some point i need to remember, it's hidden somewhere, and i'm unraveling what i am, how i have become that, trying to find that single most important point. and maybe there's no such point at all? maybe it's a sum total of forgoten points? i don't know