(no subject)

[vriad_lee]

i know it's half-baked and maybe doesn't even make sense, but just to get rid of it, just to get rid of it, because i won't stop editing until i actually post. i got rid of another one already thanks to the magic of email, and now this one. goodbye. be well. drink you milk eat your pudding suck your jelly-fish brush your teeth et cetera

shooldays by moi


going up those steps
losing a sandal
pressed by the multitude
shouted at
in the morning
first grade
crouching
to get it back
how i learnt
to hate my sandals,
my feet, and myself
that and previous,
following days

Comments

[vriad-lee.livejournal.com]

but i'm not talking about redefining myself socially. i don't want to be someone who returns to school and is no longer kicked, that's not a problem, i could compensate easily for that kicking if i wanted to (at least, so it seems). i'm not thinking of 'that' person, i'm thinking of the stuff that got embedded on a very deep level then, it happened to me then, but my 'now' has inherited it. i would be quite happy to be someone who was kicked at school, or even someone who was acting mean at school for that matter, i don't need to make peace with my past at this point - i want to see as clearly as possible what exactly happened with my picture of the world, how it warped exactly. the best way i can describe it is that there's some point i need to remember, it's hidden somewhere, and i'm unraveling what i am, how i have become that, trying to find that single most important point. and maybe there's no such point at all? maybe it's a sum total of forgoten points? i don't know